Trick or treat?
New Mexico is a Blue state, and I’m proud of that – except that Blue does not mean corruption-free. This state’s blue dye is bloody in parts, sleazy in others. Real centrist and Republican energy.
That said, I remember being impressed with Jim Ellison the first ad I saw from him. Refreshingly free of partisan language, it just told you his credentials, which are impressive. Then it pointed out how the incumbent has, for at least three years, turned in her work months late. Work that has to do with legislation and finance.
I remembered that ad because it left me questioning, “Well, whose party is he coming from?” And then I remembered it didn’t matter. Evidence speaks for itself. Facts matter. What a breath of fresh air, seriously.
Just because white Latina women can fail up in New Mexico like incompetent white men have done all the way to the White House, doesn’t mean we’re making progress. Incompetence belongs to the realm of reality tv, podcasts, blogs, and all other forms of telling on oneself.
Which is to say, this is my way of breaking the news to my partner that I voted for Ellison, a Republican. Partner-man is disgusted with all conservatives just for identifying with any part of the ideology. I disagree with him about that approach, but I get it. Sitting by like Mike Johnson on any of this administration’s agenda is vile. It arouses disgust and a lot of Republicans seem to thrive on that. It makes it feel like there’s a real barrier between the kind of animal we are and the kind of animal they are.
But there was another Republican on our state’s ballot (outside my district, I guess) who represents a sane ideal for the party that I’m happy to petition for the big leagues. Dr. Ndidiamaka Okpereke is a first generation Nigerian who is up for doing all the hard work on time without cheating. That’s the worthy opponent I wish we had more of in this supposed two-party system.
I learned about her the way I learn most of my NM news, from The Pugilist.
What really makes me nervous about the Republican identity – the honorable version that exists in the LARP-y imaginations of folks like John McCain – is a Protestant work ethic. I don’t have it. Ancestral exhaustion is the reigning energy of my every cell, but I admire a hard drive toward excellence and integrity wherever I see it.
Turning in billion dollar budgets several months overdue sounds like some shit I’d be guilty of if I forced myself to work my way up the government chain. I hate working in offices so much, it literally makes me ill. Maybe it’s like that for this lady, but she never got the chance to hit that wall and look for another way. I’ve hit that wall several times.
One Republican boss left an impression on me. A smart redheaded CPA born under the sign of Aries, she could tell after 6 months that I wasn’t the go-getter she’d hoped for. In fact, I had started smoking weed and whatever ambition I had (which was merely to meet expectations) was melting away. She caught on. She observed that I was a circle trying to fit into a square and kindly let me go.
I had to sit with some uncomfortable feelings; the kind that come up when you’re confronted by rejection. In a way, I felt like my unworthiness had been stamped and sealed, because she was someone I respected. But it was also true that I didn’t fit into that world of cubicles. And it was probably worth asking if I was turning into a burnout. I’d been smoking for only a matter of months, and this was where I found myself?
Twelve years later, I’m still baking my nervous system while underemployed. But running for office in NM is not the way. Not for me. So I write this blog to tell on myself.
I hoped I’d be inspired to write something cooler for Halloween. Something about witches. Again, the Pugilist shows up to deliver. I’ll consider myself inspired if I manage some abstract flash fiction. The witchiest thing I’ve got is this Celtic Cross spread that has my number and a warning about splitting from my partner. I have more to rant about God and the nature of reality, too.
I like how I heard someone on YouTube who hasn’t read anything I’ve written express the same truth: The god who is praised as all good, all the time, with all the power and none of the accountability is a shit god. And these John Wayne wannabe motherfuckers are out here worshipping and imitating it.
It’s been a truly harrowing timeline. You can’t blame us for resorting to witchcraft.
